Outgoing Introvert – By Jessica Sinclair

Journey

I am an introvert.
when I say this my mother panics,
she tells me I’m bubbly, outgoing, I can’t be an introvert!
like all I do is sit in my room
hiding from the world
afraid of human contact.

whilst some part of this is true,
I like to be alone sometimes, hiding away from the world,
I do still like to be around people.
conversations excite me, lets me learn about those around me.

but I can only do people in small doses.
in a large group I am an observer,
watching people like they are my entertainment.
sometimes it’s nice to be a part of this world
and not get caught up in it.

engage me here
and it can be overwhelming.
who do I look at?
should I address each one of you individually?
eyes sometimes bore holes into me,
speaking fast so I can retreat
and be part of the fabric of friendship once more.

speak with me one on one
and I am a different story.
let me ask you questions
so you can unfold your soul for me.
muse with me about the wonders of the world
and get caught in its beauty.
talk to me about what I’m passionate about
and I guarantee I can talk for hours.

but sometimes I need a break,
especially when tiredness descends,
words become heavy in my mouth
and my brain trails off
getting lost down endless thought paths
unable to connect with others.

here I like to be alone,
give myself space to breathe,
find myself again,
amongst all the complications of life.

I like to wander down streets,
backpack heavy with sketchbooks, colours,
notebooks, pens,
looking for inspiration.

or a podcast
plugged in and observing the world go past
sifting through my thoughts.

or sometimes it’s as simple as a movie or two,
curled up in my bed
safe in this nest I have created.

it does sometimes take effort
to leave my introvert bubble.
I can get too comfortable among my own thoughts
that I entangle myself
following threads that lead to my unravelling
and I forget how to human.

sometimes I need a little coaxing
a push in the right direction,
the solitude tries to draw me back to its nest
but I know
I’ll have fun in the end.

you see,
I am an outgoing introvert.
this may seem contradictory, but I assure you
it’s necessary for my sanity.
my soul is a myriad of paradoxes
woven together
to create this beautiful patchwork of self.

— Jessica Sinclair

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